Painful Admission

Photo by Mudpuppy/Michael McDowell, Denver CO

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This past weekend, Loree, one of my favorite readers/commenters/garden bloggers, left this in reference to my outdoor dining room post, “So wonderful to see such inspired spaces in your garden again!” I love Loree, and I loved her comment, but it made me sad, because in it she notes something I’ve had to come to grips with: I’ve been neglecting my garden. And while the reason for that neglect is a good one, it doesn’t make me feel any better about it. Here’s what’s been going on …

Just after the Riverside Flower Show and Garden Tour last year, I began to have bouts of back pain. I wasn’t too concerned; I’d had this type of thing before … I also began experiencing frequent sciatic leg pain episodes; as with the back pain, this wasn’t new. I shrugged off both symptoms, took ibuprofen and kept it moving. In search of change, I had my garden sales — successfully ridding myself of most everything that defined the Rancho’s garden — and began thinking about a new scheme. Problem was, the back pain was increasing … and the leg pain became an intense and regular visitor. Garden chores became oppressive and extremely painful. I saw a doctor and pain meds were prescribed … relief was achieved but short-lived. Worse, my work life, with its 3-hour commute, didn’t help, and the work day would end in pain as well. I tried to ignore it all, using this blog to boost my enthusiasm for my new garden plans; I was hoping that by putting out my intentions here I could “make the word flesh”.  It didn’t work. By the end of most work weeks, I was so depleted and in pain I could find relief only by lying flat on my back all of Saturday, leaving only Sundays for projects, shopping and garden visits. The Rancho’s garden suffered,  and I was forced to focus more on details, DIY and thing’s I’d seen online for something to post. Guilt over neglecting both garden and blog increased (ironically, readership grew). Urged by my cardiologist, I began to see an orthopedist, who, through X-rays and MRI scan found my lumbar spinal area a mess. I’ve got numerous problems, including bulging vertebrae with degenerating disc cushioning, scoliosis and multi-level arthritis; the relentless and excruciating sciatic nerve episodes related to all. Surgery looms large (and scarily) in the near future.

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Right now I’m physically unable to do many of the things I enjoy so much: playing with elements in the garden, moving things around, standing back and moving them around again until they feel right; even my favorite activity, walking … It just hurts too much. Pain meds, while necessary, make me dull and listless … my collection of incomplete draft posts are stacking up; they’re not worth posting. Horribly, this past weekend I was forced to pass on a garden blogger dinner at Dustin Gimbel’s place, as well as a Long Beach Flea Market jaunt with fellow Riversider, Britney … I just wasn’t up to either …

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Why am I sharing all of this? Because as Loree’s comment showed, this blog has changed and its focus on my garden and its “inspired spaces” has suffered … and I’m sure she’s not the only one who’s noticed. I plan to continue RR, but as this spinal episode plays out it will change again. Rancho Reubidoux — place and blog — are very important to me and I love both! I hope you’ll continue to read …

Note: The image at the top of this post is that of a new planter I bought from the etsy shop of Michael McDowell in Denver, CO, called Mudpuppy. It seems somehow appropriate to my current situation and it will be my companion/talisman as I go through this episode. See McDowell’s other artful offerings here.