Objects of Affection

Muy romantico ...

HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY, everyone! To celebrate I’m sharing some love-y items from my  various collections. Isn’t the poster, above, muy romantico? An attentive muchacho woos his flor pequeña (little flower) at the kitchen’s door, while his trusty burrito looks on. Sweet, isn’t it? Well, this poster’s not mine — it’s actually Paul’s … so, just in case any of you fine readers (who know me personally) think I’ve lost my edge, the weirdness starts now …

Original power couple

Let’s start by going back to the beginning with that original power couple, Adam and Eve. This portrayal comes in the form of gilded plaster figurines I picked up at an antique mall in Pomona for an unbelievable $10! I have no idea who created this charming pair but if I did I’d thank them with an energetic fist pump! I love how Adam reminds me of a bow-legged Iggy Pop, while Eve is a dead ringer for a knock-kneed and distraught Shelly Duvall in ‘The Shining’. I’m sparing you the rear view of these two, but rest assured it’s just as fun as the front ( if worn to the bare plaster, in parts, for some reason).

Love is *sigh* really tiring

This wan, carved-wood, folk art pair came to me via ebay about 8 years ago. The languid, closed-eyed ennui, the haughty expressions, the ‘Next Top Model’ neck extension … this is love at its highest level. This couple never argues — in fact, never breathes — as to do so would require too much effort.

Gourd-ian knot

Bearing a tiny brass plate on its base engraved with the single word ‘Love’, this act of gourd-ian sensuality had to come home with me from the Long Beach Flea Market. These two are snake gourds and can grow upwards of 6-feet long. Whoever decided these two should forever be entwined, paid particular attention to the emotional qualities they seemed to share. They do seem made for each other, don’t they?

A love bizarre

Also from the Long Beach Flea, I know nothing about the artist responsible for these two prints. I wish that I did, though, as he/she must be a very interesting person. The top print of two fetuses — one knitting a bootie, and the other enjoying some placental nourishment — is titled ‘Planned Parenthood’ and is really mystifying. I’m not sure what the message the artist was trying to communicate. The lower print, titled ‘Going Steady’, and featuring an arterial Fred and Ginger foxtrotting toward a renal portal, provokes confusion as well.  Both couples seem comfortable with each other, unaware of how bizarre they seem to others.

J'accuse-y

These last two folk art figures were also ebay finds. Both women, one carved wood and one red chalkware, are pregnant and address one of love’s most dire consequences. The wooden figure stands stalwartly, hands behind her back, and asks plaintively ‘What Happen’ while her chalky sister’s knees have buckled. Covering her face in shame, she blames her lover for her condition, declaring ‘Because of You’… I’m not sure where these two pieces were created but I imagine the wooden one might’ve been a reform school shop project. The other, in my mind, was a country fair souvenir, something a girl ‘in trouble’ could use when broaching the topic of accidental pregnancy with a her boyfriend. Speaking of the boyfriends: I wonder how they reacted when presented with these little tokens?

There you have it, dear readers! It’s not a chocolate-filled heart, or a bouquet of roses … it’s not even an animated, musically enhanced e-card … but it’s what I have to give you. Love ya!